How to Deal with The Death of a Loved One

Hey y'all!

In my blogging update post I shared with you guys that my old high school choir director passed away. I took it so hard. I remember the day like it was 5 seconds ago. I couldn't believe it. Mama Ross is what me and my fellow classmates called her. She was exactly what we called her, a mother. She had no children of her own but over the course of 30 years she taught thousands of students at the historic Ramsay High School. She was the perfect definition of a woman of God. No matter what I was going through she always knew just what to say, just what to do. She always had the perfect scripture to tell us that related to whatever we was going through in life at the time. She was God's angel to us. God allowed her to do more than just teach us how to sing. She taught us, the best way she knew how, what life was and how to conquer it with God.


I had just got back from a trip to Atlanta the night before. I had this horrible, horrible nightmare. I was trapped inside of my old middle school, and with all the school shootings that has been going on in the United States, my nightmare was a complete replica of what was going on in my nation. I woke up crying, reaching for my mother, and after a comforting lecture from her I was able to get myself back to sleep. I woke up a little over three hours later only to look on Facebook and see that Mama Ross had passed away of a heart attack. My heart sunk. How could she be gone?

I went to Ramsay High for my freshman and sophomore year only, then I transferred to Minor when my family and I moved. It was really difficult moving from the city to the country. I was moving to a place where I knew only one girl, and the girl I did know wasn't that friendly. Our friendship wasn't on good terms once we left for high school, and honestly I didn't expect to ever see her again. Mama Ross didn't want me to leave her just as much as I didn't want to leave. She had a deep connection with each of her students. All 6 of her class periods with at least 40 kids or more she had some kind of passionate mark on them that was irreplaceable. I had told her on the last day of school how I felt and how badly I didn't want to leave. She gave me the biggest most heart felt and warming hug that only she could give and said to me, "Never stop singing". When she died, when I found out... that was all I can hear playing in the back of my mind while sobbing on my mother's shoulder. That was the last time I ever saw her.

When a person like Mama Ross passes on and goes to be with the Lord, its really hard to see it that way. When someone so close to you dies, all you can think about is that you can never ever see that person again. They're never coming back. And as hard as it may be to hear, read, and accept that, that's just the way life is. As children of God we must realize that God is in control. We must realize that Mama Ross, our loved ones, are in so much of a better place now. That's what I had to realize. I couldn't be selfish. It's not easy coping with the death of a loved one, but I want to share with you what I have learned and how I managed to uplift myself during my hard time.

Pray

There is nothing on this earth more powerful than prayer. Prayer gets me through the hardest things and I knew that the only way that I could stop crying is to pray and keep praying everyday. Put yourself on a prayer schedule. I like to pray every time I go to use the bathroom. The bathroom is a private place where you can just talk to God. Some of you may wonder how to pray. Praying is easy. Prayer is nothing but simply talking to God. He is listening. He hears your cry. He knows your heart. Here's a short prayer that you can say when going through the lost of a loved one:

Dear God,

I am hurting so much right now. Please give me the strength to go throughout this day. Help me to be able to cope with the loss of my dear loved one. Help me to stop crying and feeling sad. Please Lord give me the spirit of joy. Allow me to know and understand that you are God and you know what is best for all of us. Allow me to know and understand that only you can get me through this. Walk with me, talk to me, and guide me as I handle this tough time Lord. Surround me with people who are of you and that will help me deal with this trying time in my life.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen

Embrace Loved Ones

If you were really close to the person who has passed then you are in a very vulnerable and difficult state right now. Everything around you may seem unbelievable because you just can't stand the thought of not having that person around anymore. Seek to your friends and family. They are your strength. You will find strength and hope in them. When Mama Ross passed away the only person I knew that could comfort me was my Mom. She knew Mama Ross and she understood the relationship I had with her. My mother gave me very encouraging words and that's what you need to hear right now. You need encouragement. The best places to find the encouragement and the comfort you need is in your family, your friends, and God. Just hearing that "everything is going to be okay" and "he/she is in a better place now" will quickly help you to heal.

Think of Fun Memories

I had so many fun memories being in choir at Ramsay and with Mama Ross. With each award we won from various competitions it was always a story to tell. It was always fun throwing her birthday parties, throwing Christmas parties, and throwing End of the School Year parties. Man we had a ball! Song after song, rehearsal after rehearsal, we were learning music, loving and learning about life, and it was always a good time to be in the presence of the Lord and in the presence of a such a woman that lived her life through Him. Always remember the good times because those are the times that are going to get you through. Remember the happiest times even if you can only think of one. Think of their smile, the way they dance, the lessons they taught you. Remember the mark they left on your life and use that to remember them forever.

Read Your Bible

I'm not even about to sit up here and lie to y'all. I do not read my bible consistently as I need to. And I hate when I go weeks without reading the bible and something horrible happens and I cling to it like its the end of the world. But when you lose a loved one, it is very important to read God's word and have Him speak to you through his scriptures. Here are some of my favorite scriptures that helped got me through Mama Ross's passing:

But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength

   2 Timothy 4:17

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God endures forever.

   Isaiah 40:8

Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, help you, uphold you with my righteous hand.

     Isaiah 41:10

When anyone has to deal with death it can be very, very difficult. But always remember you are strong in the Lord! Everything that happens to you in life is preparing you for something greater. God placed that person in your life to bring you laughter and lessons. Remember what you learned from that person and put it to great use. Be encouraged in the Lord and seek to continue to live your life remembering the fun memories you and that person had. Leave your comments and let me know if you have any prayer requests. You are not in this alone. I pray that this post will help you while taking the loss of a loved one. Remember, always inspire and be inspired.

Tanisha B.