Becoming a Virtuous Woman: Why You Shouldn't Wait on A Man Who Isn't Ready

I started my Becoming A Virtuous Woman blog series two weeks ago. My intentions for this series are to encourage women to have more self-love, self-respect, and just love who they are now and what all they will become in the future. It's important that we encourage each other and help each other in life. It's important that we learn values and morals and how and when to use them. Women and men are afraid of commitment. Whether you're committing to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or you're trying to boost it up on to marriage, committing for both sexes can be challenging. But ladies, what about the men that use the line, "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now". What does that really mean? How do we take that? What do we do with that piece of information? Well, you'll be surprised at how many women don't take that as a warning sign. Here are reasons why you should:



 

He just got out of a relationship

Sometimes its easy for a man to get over a relationship he just got out of whether it was his fault or not. Sometimes its not easy. If he's coming out of a long-term relationship where he has been cheated on, please give him his space. I know that you might have been waiting for him to be single for the longest. You knew his past relationship wasn't going to last. But be the mature and responsible woman you know you are and give him his space. Be there for him in his time of misery. Be his friend first. Do not admit your feelings for him. He's not ready for that, and you're not ready for the possible rejection because the only thing you can think about right now is just being with him. A man will not be mentally ready to be in another relationship after a long-term relationship where he's been hurt. Should you wait for this man? Odds are, no you shouldn't. What happened to him in his past relationship is not your fault. You're ready to be in a relationship and he's not and that's okay. But don't put your life on hold just because he isn't ready due to his previous break-up. Don't block other opportunities from other men who are ready that will make themselves available to you. You'll just get tired of waiting. Its always going to be "I still haven't gotten over..." or "I need time to..." or "I have trust issues" (more on trust issues down below). Be supportive, be his friend, but you don't have to pause your life for someone that you're not even sure that likes you.



His emotions are all over the place

He feels everything all at the same time and it only hits him at night. You know the saying that goes around now, Being Single Only Hits You at Night. Craziest thing I ever heard but God is it true. He doesn't text you or call you until night time huh? Or maybe you do speak throughout the day but is it everyday? Usually guys who want to wait to be in a relationship, their emotions are everywhere. A guy who isn't emotionally stable is not a guy worth your time. Be friends. My Mom always told me as a teenager and even still today, its always better to be a man's friend, than to be nothing at all. Some people feel like they have too many friends but you can never have too many friends because you never know who you may need at any given time. But as far as the emotionally unstable guy in your life that you have feelings for, be his friend. That's the best way you can help him right now. Waiting for him to become emotionally and mentally stable for you may take months. And depending where you are in your life, you just don't have that kind of time.

Your feelings are important too

Don't accommodate your feelings. He wants to wait? Cool. That's fine. You have made it known that you have feelings for him. He has made it known whether through verbal or physical communication that he's not feeling a relationship right now. Your feelings are just as important as his even if the feelings aren't the same. Don't feel bad if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you right now. So what he wants to wait. That doesn't mean you have to. Be his friend. Continue to talk to him. But if John Wayne comes walking in your life don't blow him off just to accommodate your friend. You deserve happiness and love just like everyone else and although love is patient and kind, no one deserves to be punished or put on hold because of someone else's actions or lack thereof.

Don't make yourself vulnerable to someone who isn't vulnerable to you

Imagine this: You have just admitted your feelings for the guy, and he blows you off. Rejection. He hasn't said verbally that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you or simply work towards a relationship, but you can see it through his body language and his actions. Don't keep making yourself vulnerable to a man who isn't ready and who isn't making himself vulnerable to you. No one likes rejection And who wants to know that someone doesn't feel that same spark you feel? No one. When we make ourselves vulnerable to a guy we are letting them see a side of us that they don't normally see. If you can tell he's not feeling it, don't waste any of your time on hoping that one day he might open his eyes. This is not a chick flick, it's not going to happen unless he feels the same way, and if he doesn't,  that's okay because his lost is another man's gain.

He has trust issues

He has trust issues, you have trust issues, I have trust issues. I think its safe to say everyone has trust issues. When men tell that to women or vice versa, I don't understand it. Everyone doesn't fully trust everyone. Someone in your life, even parents, have broken your trust at least once. If this guy you're liking has trust issues, or says he has trust issues, that's a big red flag honey. Nine times out of ten, he has trust issues because 1) He's not ambitious, and any woman who has ever dated him has tried to help him but because of his lack of ambition and effort she has left him and now he can't trust anyone. 2) Because he's been cheated on by a past girlfriend and if he's the type of guy who cheats, he's devastated and is still trying to figure out how she cheated on him before he cheated on her or 3) he's had so many bad relationships that he doesn't even want to try anymore. The main question to ask a guy on a first date is to ask, "How long ago was your last relationship and why did it end?" Period. Those answers are important because it could possibly shape your relationship if you so choose to be with him. But if the reason he doesn't want to be in relationship is because he has trust issues, choose not to wait because you'll be waiting forever and next time you look up, he'll be with some other girl.

He's not a good communicator

We have heard it many times. Communication is key in a relationship. If you don't talk to each other its never going to work. Men can't read our minds and we can't read theirs. You might can put your pride aside and tell him that you're interested in him, but if he can't do the same, is it really worth it? If he can't be man enough to tell you he likes you, or even to tell you he doesn't like you, what else he won't communicate to you? This is also why friendship first is very important. Create a friendship communication with this man first. Don't be so quick to jump into feelings because he might not be ready if he's not a good communicator. And if he's not willing to communicate, you definitely shouldn't wait on him because he's definitely not ready.

3 months will turn into 3 years and you definitely don't want that. Let's just admit it, when guys say they are not ready, they are simply not ready. And if he's leading you on to believe that he loves you and that eventually y'all will have a relationship, he's just using you to pass time and to make himself feel better. He wants to have the freedom of talking to other women and that's okay for him. But not for you. Ladies I hope this post encourages you to not wait. Don't put your love life on hold for a guy that's not ready. Stand up for your self-respect and know that you're worth so much more than that. You shouldn't have to wait for a man. Don't worry though, not all guys are like this. All of us have a soulmate somewhere out there. There is a man who is out there waiting to make you happy every day for the rest of your life. You're going to be glad that you didn't wait on the jerk who tried to wasted your time. You're going to be grateful that you waited for the man of your dreams instead of waiting on the guy who was never ready.

Tanisha B.